—Up Close
I lean towards “all or nothing” in most behaviors and actions. The rules for me are black and white. But I offer everyone else a grace filled gray. I have to consciously remind myself that I am no different than those to which I extend this grace. I’m careful to dance around this and hold myself to a higher standard. “You should know better” and “You’ll understand when you’re older” echoed throughout my childhood. But I didn’t know better and I still don’t understand. But I should…shouldn’t I?
Everything just looks so much different up close. It’s harder to recognize. And it never seems as serious or obvious when you’re in it. I always used to say I couldn’t understand why someone would stay with someone who abused them. I get it, now. It doesn’t look the same. Abuse, addiction, mental illness…it doesn’t come with a flashy neon sign. Those actions aren’t the whole person and it’s hard to see when the weeds are blended with flowers.
