It was so tempting.
I could have given in to the urge. I looked very cute in my skirt and tights. All it would take is one text. One call. One swipe.
I might even feel a twinge of regret that I didn’t.
Something came across my feed about “toxic relationships”. It listed numerous examples of how a “narcissist” may act within a relationship.
I’ve never cared much for labels.
A lot of it sounded familiar though. Really familiar. It’s stuck with me since I read it. Partially, because a piece of me still wants to point a finger and make a bad guy out of someone.
But mainly because I wonder if it’s true? Are those things, “toxic”? Are the people that do and say those things, “narcissists”? To me, it just looks like people and relationships.
“Calls you selfish”
“Gets angry when you spend time with people that aren’t them”
“They make your needs and wants about WE”
Those three though, like salt in an open wound. Those are the things that cut me at the end.
He was upset that I chose to spend time with my friends when I had asked for space to grieve. He told me he felt like I was being selfish. That WE needed to be together. That’s what was important. I believed him, for a moment.
I could fall into the trap of blame and use that list to point at everyone around me. Or I can use it as a tool for what to recognize in the future.
I think there are some truly awful people out there with the worst of intentions. And I think there are people so scared of being abandoned, they find themselves manipulating others.
Been there, done that…Do that? 🤔
But I’m concerned that society is using information of abuse as another way to create separation.
I hear it from both sides. Not just “zero tolerance” and ending things when these behaviors come up. I’m talking about verbally and socially attacking people that exhibit these behaviors. Demeaning them and publicly shaming them, for what? Does it alleviate the humiliation?
Genuine question. I haven’t tried it, so I don’t know. 🤷🏻♀️
What I do know, people accepted me and loved me at my worst. Before I “got it”.
Let’s be clear, I still don’t have it. I’m just a little bit better today than I was yesterday.
But all of that love and acceptance came before I understood that my actions had an effect on others. I have no doubt, that care, is what led me to where I am today.
So, who am I to deny that type of compassion to someone else?
People are people. It’s fucking exhausting to continuously label things. I’d much rather ✨compulsively✨ attempt to comprehend the inner workings of your psyche.
I told you, I’m imperfect.
I came home after drinks with the girls. I didn’t go sit on a lap. Though, I desperately still want to. 🥹😅